Saturday, August 10, 2013

Seven greater debates than Kevin Rudd v Tony Abbott - NEWS.com.au

A Giant Douche takes on a Turd Sandwich in this great debate. Source: Supplied

IMAGINE if Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd didn't talk about stopping boats or building a better future for our children in the great debate tonight, and instead called each other a "turd sandwich"?

Or a "giant douche bag", in a scenario something like this:

It's the night of the debate and the two political opponents are standing at their lecterns. They each look confident, but are sweating slightly under the glare of the television lights. The debate moderator asks the first question. It is a strong challenge to one of the candidate's fitness for office.

The candidate responds.

"I would hope for those students and parents who question my qualities to simply look at my opponent," Giant Douche Bag says and stares down his rival. "He is a turd sandwich."

Turd Sandwich spits out a retort, and so the tussle between two candidates begins.

TITLE: Turd sandwich v Giant Douche bag

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CAPTION: Giant Douche Bag debates Turd Sandwich in this South Park political debate

As far as political debates go, Turd Sandwich vs. Giant Douche - from an episode of the cartoon South Park meant to satirise the 2004 presidential debate between George W Bush and John Kerry - is a very basic slanging match.

But at least it's honest.

Tonight's Australian Federal Election debate between Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Opposition leader Tony Abbott should be of greater substance.

But probably a less interesting and less than frank slanging match between a prime minister chasing economic credibility and an opposition leader desperate for personal points appeal.

Would you be more likely to vote for either man if, like Homer Simpson, they told you why they love beer?
Or, like a cartoon Barack Obama, they promised a mandate for large-breasted women?

For the people not remotely interested in watching tonight's debate - on Channel 7 Two tonight at 6.30pm - we bring you some entirely unedifying, yet entertaining television debates, plus the classic lines from film and real political history.

Beer and gun control are hotly debated by Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. Source: Supplied

Homer Simpson vs. Family Guy

This debate is a montage of grabs from the The Simpsons and Family Guy, made around the time of the 2008 US Presidential Election and pits Homer against Peter Griffin on a range of issues from beer to children and drugs and gun control.

Best line from Homer: (on genetic modification) "What's the big deal? Before the papers blew this out of proportion, people didn't know how many eyes a fish had."

Best line from Peter Griffin: "Children under four shouldn't smoke."

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CAPTION: Homer Simpson v Family Guy in this crafted video of cartoon takes

Barack Obama was the clear winner in this debate. Source: Supplied

Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama

This spoof of the 2012 US Presidential Election has Obama making a promise which sees him win by a landslide.

Best line from Barack Obama: "If you vote for me I will sign a mandate for all women to have D-cup sized breasts in America."

TITLE: Romney v Obama

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CAPTION: Cartoon Obama beats Mitt Romney after pledging all American women will have D-size cups

'Society is divided by fear', says Robert Redford in The Candidate. Source: Supplied

ROBERT REDFORD IN THE CANDIDATE

One of the great election films, The Candidate, made in 1972, has a verbal stoush between the older Republican and the young Democrat opponent, played by Robert Redford.

The film's message - Rudd and Abbott take note - is that instead of mouthing inoffensive platitudes, politicians should be real.

Best line from Robert Redford: "We've completely ignored the fact that this is a society divided by fear, hatred and violence and until we talk about what this society really is, I don't know we're going to change it."

TITLE: Robert redford in The Candidate

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CAPTION: Robert Redford's character won out over his Republican opponent in the 1972 film, The Candidate

John F Kennedy and Richard Nixon in 1960. Source: Supplied

JOHN F KENNEDY vs. RICHARD NIXON

The 1960 campaign for the White House was called the first "modern" presidential election partly because of its televised debates.

On radio, the pair had been fairly equal. On TV, Nixon lost the race.

His makeup was bad. He sweated. He looked scornful. And people reacted to a vigorous, young Kennedy, and from then on, somehow JFK became the man.

Best look from John F Kennedy: Rather than a line, it was his dry wit and his youthful vitality.

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CAPTION: John F Kennedy overshadowed Nixon in this legendary 1960 presidential campaign debate

The Simpons also got involved in the Nixon and JFK debate. Source: Supplied

NIXON vs. JFK

The Simpsons spoof of the Nixon vs. JFK 1960 debate has the two candidates facing off on the subject of Duff beer, about which Nixon fails to impress with his credibility.

Best line from Homer Simpson (or Nixon): "I don't believe he's ever drunk Duff beer."

TITLE: Nixon v JFK on Duff beer

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CAPTION: JFK beats Nixon on the all important issue of Duff beer

Jessica Campbell's words in the Election may resonate with Australian voters. Source: Supplied

JESSICA CAMPBELL IN ELECTION

While Reese Witherspoon's character in the student campaign film, Election, is the inspiring person in the face of collegiate apathy, it is the speech by Tammy Metzler, played by Jessica Campbell, which may just sum up the current attitude of the Australian electorate.

Best line from Tammy Metzler: "Who cares about this stupid election?!"

TITLE: Election

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CAPTION: Jessica Campbell in Election


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